Flat Ass Fridays: The Inaugural Edition

After Wednesday's post, Cheryl from That Girl is Funny suggested that I start Flat Ass Fridays. At first, I kind of laughed off her suggestion. Taking it a little too literally, I thought, "What am I going to do, write about my butt, or lack thereof, every single Friday from now until the end of blogging time?" Then I had a little epiphany yesterday. I could make Flat Ass Fridays about embracing my imperfections instead of trying to change them. (Thanks to all who suggested padded underwear, but I really don't think I can risk having a cotton stuffing-filled wedgie everyday. I think it would constantly feel like having toilet paper stuck to my butt crack.)

If you've learned anything about me at all since I've started this blog, you've learned that Flat Ass Fridays won't be anything at all like Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty. Dove is all serious about finding beauty in imperfections, while I'm...well, I'm me. I prefer the funny to the serious, and I'd rather be the butt of my own joke than someone else's. (Pun definitely intended.)

Now keeping that idea in mind, I decided that I wanted the first Flat Ass Friday to be about the very topic that inspired the idea--my flat ass. The days of wishing I had a Kardashian booty are long gone. (Wednesday was a really, really, really long time ago.) From now on, I'm embracing the pancake side of things.

10 Reasons Why I Love My Flat Ass

1. I never have to worry about getting stuck in chairs, even kid-sized ones.
2. I can always make it through Fat Man's Squeeze at Rock City.
   
   
3. Should I ever be stranded on a deserted island without matches, I can just turn my bony butt around, rub it against a couple of sticks, and have fire in no time flat.
4. Likewise, if I am ever attacked in a dark alley, I can use my butt as a weapon. Which is more lethal, car keys to the eyes or a bony butt to the jugular?
5. It takes me longer to wear out car seats, couches, and mattresses than people with big butts.
6. If I ever become incontinent, I won't have to buy bigger pants to accommodate for my adult diapers.
7. I never have to worry about my butt knocking things over.
8. I never have to worry that my pants will split down the rear seam if I lean over or squat down.
9. I never have to worry that my butt will sag to my knees when I'm 80.
   
10. Sir Mix-a-Lot will never write a song about my rear end that will, in turn, be sung at every cheesy karaoke bar from Atlanta to LA.
    
    

If you want to join me for Flat Ass Fridays, you'll be able to find the button on my left sidebar and the McLinky below. Since it's new, I'll leave McLinky open through Sunday. You can write about any perceived flaw--physical, mental, emotional, genetic, you name it--so long as you embrace it with all the humor your "flat ass" can muster or stand.

Because don't we all have "flat asses" in a way? They're just not all connected to our thigh bones.