Before you die, you see the homeowner's association.That ought to be the tag line for my neighborhood. I must have really pissed someone off with my singing because I got a letter in the mail Saturday telling me that I had seven days to repair the siding or whatever it is called that is drooping underneath the overhang of my roof on the second floor. Now I know that the siding needs to be fixed. I have no problem with that fact or with the HOA telling me that I have to do it. What I have a problem with is that the siding has been drooping since last year. Why has it taken the HOA so long to tell me to do something about it?
For those of you who have been following this blog for awhile, you may remember that something similar happened with the for sale sign I had in my yard. The sign was there for 10 months before the HOA sent out one of their "you have seven days" letters. I was royally ticked then as well. Like now it wasn't so much that the HOA was pointing out a perceived violation of the covenants but how they were doing it. First, there was the timing issue. If my for sale sign was ruining the beauty of this neighborhood--as if there has ever been any beauty to ruin--why wait nearly a year to tell me that? Shouldn't they have said something the minute it went up? Second, there was the random enforcement issue. I wasn't the only one with a for sale sign, but they only went after me. Why me and not the 15 other houses with one?
So here I am again, asking myself those same questions. The HOA management company cited the same beauty clause that they did before, which means that my droopy three feet of siding is an implicit violation of the covenants. What about other implicit violations that are far more "ugly" than mine? Take for instance the 20 to 30 houses that have $5, mismatched lawn chairs on the front porch. I think that they're hideous and bring down the value of this neighborhood a lot worse than my droopy siding, especially considering you have to look up, way up, to see the siding, but the ugly chairs stare you right in the face. Why don't they do a darn thing about that? Then there's the house down the street with the gigantic pirates flag on the front porch. If one didn't know better, one would think that the owners of that house have gang affiliations. Why not do something about that?
Then there are the explicit violations. The house next door has their trash can on the curb 24/7. They never put it in the garage or behind approved fencing in the backyard as they are explicitly required to do per the covenants. Surely, when this member of management drove by my house and saw the droopy siding, he or she had to see and smell that trash can. Why not make them move it? Why not threaten them with a $250 fine in seven days like they did me?
What about all the tacky idiots with the fans in their open windows? Homeowners are explicitly prohibited from having fans and air conditioners in their windows per the covenants. Why won't the HOA force them to abide by that rule, especially considering that the ugly fans also violate a second clause, the beauty one they keep accusing me of violating?
What about the lawns that are full of weeds or the ones that are so brown that even weeds won't grow in it? The covenants explicitly require you to cut and fertilize your grass. Again why aren't they being forced to drive to Lowe's or the Home Depot and stock up on a bag of Scott's and Weed-n-Feed? If my lawn looked like that, I'm sure the HOA would make me.
Then there are all the things that ought to be against the covenants--the loud music, the kids who set the grass on the side of the subdivision on fire Saturday right after I got my letter, the dog feces in my mailbox, all the pit bulls that keep me from walking my own dogs, and all the condom wrappers, candy wrappers, potato chip bags, and cigarette butts that I have to fish out of my yard on a daily basis. Don't they bring down the value of our property as well? Can't the HOA stretch the beauty clause to prohibit that activity?
See my problem isn't the violation or the covenants; it's the random enforcement. I can't so much as fart without being written up for it. Meanwhile, some of my neighbors can do whatever they want whenever they want, and the HOA gives them a free pass. The only thing that I can figure is that someone on the board has it out for me. I don't know what I did to that person or what that person thinks I did, but it must be a real doozy.
My seven days are almost up. My father is supposed to come tomorrow and try to fix the droopy siding for me. He hasn't been able to come before now because of the rain we have had this week. Climbing out on a wet roof probably isn't the greatest or the safest idea ever. Please keep your fingers crossed for me that he's able to fix it. I don't want to have to pay someone $200 for 10 minutes worth of work, and by the time I could even get someone else out here my seven days would have expired. Also cross your fingers that he has enough sense to wear tennis shoes or work boots, not cowboy boots. He'd probably slide right off the roof in the latter.
Furthermore, if anyone knows some great songs that I can put on my iPod and annoy my neighbors by singing, especially if those songs somehow involve hating your neighbors, let me know in the comments. I am completely open to suggestions.
Now to things I have been putting off. Last week, Kat at Candles, Crafts, and Whatnot gave me the Friends Award. I meant to post it then, but as usual I got sidetracked. I started working on that chair I talked about in an earlier post. I thought it would only take a day or two to complete, but I'm still working on it. Ugh. Anyway, the chair has kind of distracted me from things like blogging and posting awards. Thanks for the award, Kat, and sorry it took me so long to get it up.
Rondi at WAHM Resource Site also gave me the Best Blog Award last week. This one requires me to pass it on to 15 newly discovered blogs. I haven't had a chance to find 15 new ones yet, so I'll have to edit this post later with those blogs. I'm determined to get that chair finished this week, and, of course, there's the whole siding issue that will take up a good part of my day tomorrow. I will try to get to the list this weekend. Meanwhile, thanks for the award, Rondi.
I also want to thank Necole at The Creative Mixx and Kate at Om Shanti Handcrafts for the box full of goodies that I got in the mail. Necole and Kate were running a contest on Necole's blog, and I actually won it. I ended up getting some great smelling products from Kate's Etsy store, including Everything Citrus Ever Lip Balm, Lavender Citrus Cuticle Salve, Patchouli Vanilla Soap, and Kyphi Massage & Bath Oil. So far I have used everything but the cuticle salve--I keep forgetting to put it on before bed--and I must say that I love all the products that I have tried. Usually, I can't use things like scented soaps, but the Patchouli Vanilla Soap hasn't bothered me at all. I think it may be because the soap is made with natural ingredients and is scented with essential oils instead of artificial fragrances. I actually keep sniffing my skin because I'm not used to it smelling like anything stronger than Dove Sensitive Skin. I also have to be careful with where I place the tub of lip balm. My dogs charge me every time I use it because I guess they smell the citrus scent and think that it's food. I'm scared that I'm going to turn my back for a minute, and they're going to find a way to open the tub and devour it. If you're looking to purchase some natural products, check out Kate's store.
Now I have to go clean carpet in case Step Mommy Dearest shows up tomorrow, too. I don't want to have to listen to Little Miss OCD complain about yellow spots on the carpet.
