I always knew that I had to wear glasses or contacts for some things--driving, watching TV, using power tools, touching up my roots. Now I get to add one more thing to the list--shaving my legs. I've had a really bad sinus headache for the last few days, the kind where it hurts to touch your face, your teeth feel like they're going to fall out, and your ears are so backed up the world spins every time you lean over. Needless to say, I haven't been that diligent about shaving my legs. Instead, I have just worn every pair of jeans I own, the 90-plus degree heat be damned.Today I ran out of clean jeans so I had to reach into the bottom drawer for shorts. Truth be told, if I had planned on sitting around the house all day, I probably still wouldn't have shaved. I would have just made sure to (1) change into a dirty pair of jeans before going to the mailbox, (2) avoid touching my hairy legs as much as possible, and (3) switch my shorts for worn out pajama bottoms the minute Dr. Phil went off. However, I wasn't planning on sitting around the house. I was planning on going to Petsmart, Sally Beauty Supply, and Target. Since I didn't want to be confused for Cousin It or one of the dogs up for adoption, I had no choice but to shave before leaving the house.
Now I don't normally put my contacts in until after I shower. As gross as this may sound, I like to shower first because the steam helps get all the morning eye gook out. For those of you with perfect vision, contacts plus gook equal blurry vision. Consequently, I didn't put them in first thing this morning. I just reached for my Noxema razor and my new can of Skintimate shave gel and shaved my legs like I have done so many mornings before.
Or so I thought.
About three hours after I got back from running errands, I sat down on the sofa with my right leg tucked under me and saw what I thought was a shadow or bruise on the back of my right calf. However, after untucking my leg and inspecting the area more closely, I realized that it wasn't a shadow or a bruise at all. It was what can only be described as a leg mohawk, a strip of hair-covered skin that went all the way from my ankle to my knee. Lovely.
Now I'm not talking about a little bit of stubble here. I'm talking about out-and-out leg hair. To make matters worse, I'm not exactly the tannest person on the planet. I'm not even close. My leg hair, in contrast, is at dark as it gets. Translation: the leg mohawk had to stand out, like a caterpillar on a white tree trunk.
I'm 5'3" so my short legs aren't anything to look at anyway. Thus, I'm hoping that no one had reason to look down at my calves and that I can actually show my face and my hopefully hairless legs in those stores again. I'm just going to give it a few days or weeks before I find out. Surely, someone will do something more embarrassing in the meantime, and my leg mohawk will become a distant, albeit laughable, memory.
One thing is for sure; I have learned my lesson. (Like missing my leg with the razor and cutting two fingers on my left hand instead last week wasn't enough of a learning experience...) From now on, I'm wearing my contacts or glasses when I shave my legs.
