I have an admission to make. I'm not that fond of Valentine's Day. Chalk it up to a lifetime of heart-shaped birthday cakes (my birthday is just a few days before the 14th) or the fact that I always seems to be single when the big day rolls around. Either way, it's not my favorite holiday. In fact, I usually outwardly groan whenever one of those sappy, Valentine's Day commercials come on TV and pull a throw pillow over my face, as if several layers of fabric and cotton batting could possibly make all that syrupy sweet goodness disappear. That being said, one of these days, like maybe when I'm 82 and got the hots for the wrinkly, old fart with the pimped out cane down the hall from me at the nursing home, I'm going to have to celebrate the big event. So when that day comes, what do I get Mr. Over the Hill and Back Up Again? I remember that my great grandmother used to go into graphic details at the dinner table about all the things that her doctor told her she could and could not eat and the number that the banned foods did on her digestive system. I would assume that those foods do a similar number on other people that age so giving the old guy a box of candy is probably out of the question. That leaves what, jewelry? Nah, it would probably get lost in all the wrinkles. A book? Only if his optometrist found him some big enough coke bottles to read it with. A subscription to the Denture Cream of the Month Club? Yeah, way too boring.
I said at Christmas that I should have gotten my sister a watch because watches are always a safe bet gift-wise. Consequently, when I turn 82, I think I'm going to get Geezer Boy a watch. I like this man's watch from the Bulova watches at BlueDial.com:
Now I have to make a second admission. I don't know a whole lot about men's watches. I don't know what's in at the moment style-wise or what a man would wear. However, I personally like this watch because of the moon phases and the date and day subdials. It's different, and I like different. Besides, the day and date dials could prove useful when my significant other at the nursing home starts to go senile. I also figured that, since Blue Dial is offering guaranteed Valentine's Day shipping and special Valentine Day sale prices, I could get the watch now and pack it away somewhere. Then on that poignant day when I finally find the smell of another person's Ben Gay intoxicating, I can pull it out, slap a big red bow on it, and give it as a gift. Granted the watch's battery will have died by then, but it's the thought that counts, right?
On second thought, maybe I should start a new Valentine's Day tradition and celebrate how much I love myself. Then I could take advantage of both Blue Dial's sale and free sizing service and buy me this Bulova watch:
I could wrap it up, put that big, red bow on it that I was saving for My Senior Sam, and attach a little note that says, "Dear Me, Thanks for always being with me. You could have left and turned me into a real-life 'United States of Tara,' but you didn't. You stayed. Here's a little token of my appreciation. Love, Me." I might actually like Valentine's Day then. However, all the watches in the world won't get me love those cheesy commercials. A girl can only change so much.
