To lighten things up a bit and to prove that I can, in fact, laugh at myself, I thought that I would share with you this letter that I got in the mail the week before last. I meant to write about the letter then, but I put it in a pile of junk mail on my tv stand and forgot that I had it. Now that I'm trying to go through that and similar piles, I figured that I better write the post before the letter succumbs to tomorrow's Shred Fest.Here's the gist of the letter. I've shortened it slightly to save space:
"Dear Staci,
You were recently chosen as a potential candidate to represent the professional and business community of [Your Town], Georgia in the Biltmore 2009 Honors Edition of Who's Who Among Executives and Professional Women.
...The Publishing Committee selected you as a potential candidate, based upon your current standing as well as criteria from executive and professional rosters. Given your background, the Publishing Director believes your profile would make a fitting addition to our Honors Edition publication..."
Now let's see. My current standing is "unemployed ex-law clerk who can't get a job in a law firm to save her life." I didn't know that it was an honor to be loser with a degree. Had I known that it was, I would have put "Unaccomplished Failure" at the top of my resume and gotten T-shirts made that say, "Broke and Proud of It." At interviews, when the interviewers asked me what I've been doing since leaving my clerkship with Judge Combover, I would have said, "Oh, you know, just laying around, watching soaps, surfing the internet, blogging about nothing, living the good life," not "Trying to get a job, sir." I wouldn't have spent hours on end trying to find some job posting somewhere that I might remotely qualify for or filled out applications at six different employment agencies, only to be told that they couldn't use me because I'm overqualified. I wouldn't have stayed up at night worrying about money. Nope, I would have walked around this town going, "Honor me, baby. Honor...me..."
I know what you're thinking; there has got to be a catch. Yeah, I thought the same thing. The letter goes on to say that there is no monetary obligation to be listed in the Who's Who directory; however, you have to fill out a form and send it in. You aren't automatically listed.
Do you smell a scam? I do. It sounds a little too much like those no-obligation things you hear on late night infomercials. Try this exercise equipment or that face cream for 14 days with no obligation. If you don't like the product, simply return it before your trial period expires, and your credit card won't be charged. Of course, your credit card is always charged because there's always some caveat, like you have to have an authorization number to return it but the customer service number has been disconnected or you don't get the product in the mail until after the 14 days has expired.
My guess is that, should I check that little black box next to the bolded "Yes, I would like to be included in the Biltmore Who's Who Executive and Professional Registry," I'll get a copy of that registry in the mail a few months from now with a big, fat bill attached. Then, when I attempt to return the book, it will magically get lost in transit, and I'll be forced to pay for such a worldly honor. Needless to say, I'm honoring the honor by shredding it tomorrow and returning to my former status as a Who's Not.
