Let's see. The price reduction hasn't worked. Switching realtors hasn't worked. What will? Sorry, but I'm a little obsessed with the topic at the moment. So far, I thought about hot air balloons, billboards, standing out in front of Walmart, getting T-shirts made, and listing the house on eBay and Craigslist. Of course, I never implemented any of the ideas. I either can't afford them or don't know how. So what are a few more creative, albeit useless, ideas that will help sell this house?Well, I could use digital signage. I could pay to have the signs installed in gas station and airport bathrooms, on overpasses on the interstate, and in the food court at the mall. Of course, digital signs would probably cost more than my house is worth, especially if I wanted to put them in that many places. I could always hack into existing digital signs. Wait. I forgot that I don't know how to hack into anything.
How about commercials that show during airings of Sell This House or Sell That House? No. Like the digital signs and my hot air balloon idea, it's way too costly.
How about YouTube? It's free. It has a wide audience. I could even crank out the crocodile tears. Oh, that's right. I don't have a video camera. I guess I'll have to scratch that idea as well.
Spam the heck out of everyone's email accounts? Nope, I could go to jail for that. This house is so not worth jail time.
Blog about my house? Been there. Done that.
A town raffle? I heard of someone doing that on the news. The extra proceeds went to charity. However, with my luck, I'd only sell one $5 ticket. After all, I couldn't even sell Girl Scout cookies back in the day. I can state for a fact that neither Chase nor HUD would approve a $5 short sale.
Getting on my knees and begging? That only works if I had a potential buyer sitting in front of me to begin with.
Write a sob letter to Oprah or Ty Pennington? Yeah, I'm probably not pathetic enough for their shows.
A personal ad? I saw on the news that someone was offering up herself with the house. It was something like, "Buy the house. Get the wife free." I don't know if she ever sold it. Again with my luck I'd just sell it to a serial killer, and then I'd be contractually obliged to marry Mr. Slice and Dice.
Going on Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader? Technically, I couldn't sell my house on the game show, but I could potentially win enough money that I could lower the price of my house some more. For some reason, though, I think that I would have to drop out of school and admit that, despite my two degrees, I am not smarter than a fifth grader. Just ask ChaCha. I failed their stupid guide test after all.
Okay. I give up. I have no idea how I'm going to sell this house, and I now have the theme song to Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader stuck in my head.
