The other day, after the whole Cyber-Heathers showdown, I changed my name on Yahoo Messenger to Stiffy LaBlunt. I did so partly out of humor, but I also did it to embrace my flaws. Who said stiffness and bluntness have to be negatives? Besides, I figured that, if I ever get desperate enough for a job, Stiffy LaBlunt can be my stripper name.Well, today I'm going to have to change my stripper name/Yahoo alias again, this time to Clumsy Clementine. Why? In case the answer isn't obvious from the name, it's because I'm as clumsy as they come. Case in point: earlier I was putting Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb in the bath tub for their weekly, let's-hope-the-Malaseb-works-this-time scrub down. After I lowered Bella into the tub, I felt a sharp pain in my left big toe. I looked down and saw that my toe was bleeding from a long cut on the side of it. Not having a clue as to how I managed to cut my toe, I looked behind me at the bathroom floor to see if there was something sharp lying there that I had brushed up against. The only thing that I saw was my fluffy bath rug. No sharp edges there.
I thought for a second that maybe I cut it on the way into the bathroom, but I didn't see a blood trail marking my path from the bathroom door to the tub, just semi-clean linoleum. (Hey, I need to mop.) I didn't see anything in the hallway either. As I sit here typing this post, I still don't know how I cut my toe. Chances are, I'll never know. I'll just chalk it up to another one of those things that only happens to me. After all, you're talking about someone who got a black eye from a dog once. To make a long story short, let's just say that Bella's head collided with the bone around my eye socket while I was trying to lift her onto the bed a few years ago. I spent the next week trying to cover up an uncoverable bruise with makeup and trying to explain to people at work that, yes, I really did get beat up by my dog. To this day, I still don't think my coworkers believed me.
Clumsy Clementine by day. Stiffy LaBlunt by night. Yep, that's me in all my flawed glory.
